Nothing Changes...If You Don’t
I remember several years ago having a conversation with a friend and saying to her: “change is really hard.” We were talking about the patterns we saw in relationships and with people we were in relationship with and I had to give credit where it’s due. It’s a lot of work and generally takes everything we have to change our lives.
It’s why we don’t see more people living on their true purpose. I know it doesn’t look like it on social media, but, the truth be told, most people are stuck. They’re stuck with or in something they wish could be different. It’s hard to get out of a rut, especially, when the reality is, we’re comfortable there. But, let’s face it, if it wasn’t doing something for you--if it wasn’t feeding you in some way--you’d be more motivated to change it.
A pattern : something designed or used as a model for making things. [Merriam Webster]
What’s the pattern that’s been making you?
I’m someone who has been doing my “work,” for years now. You know, the work of personal development, i.e. doing my best to become the best version of myself; the person I was uniquely created to be. And by no means does this mean I have it all together. In fact, the opposite. I think when I was younger, I must have thought life was going to come together by osmosis (lol). Now, I see differently. It wasn’t that I purposely set out to do my work, like most of us, it’s that life--its ups--mostly its downs, and the decisions that I’ve made along the way led me to a place where I had to take accountability and look at one person: Myself.
I’ve always been a seeker, someone who had questions and wanted to know the answers. When I wanted to know why I was where I was and how I could change my life, I had to do some real soul excavating and realized that so much of my work is to align my spirit, soul and body. In time, I began to peel back painful layers to recognize the ways I contributed to the things in my life--the good--and the things I would’ve taken back, if I could.
With that recognition didn’t come instant change. It’s been more like fits and starts. And that’s when I began to understand that once you start doing your work, it doesn’t stop. You may relapse into old habits, but your work remains. Because if a pattern’s not making you--it’s breaking you; so you’ll get just uncomfortable enough to decide to change.
Yes, I’m talking to you. The dreamer, the purpose-filled person who knows there’s more for you in life. You’re the person who needs to keep seeking and find.
As a coach, I work with so many who desperately want to change their lives. And by this, we mostly want to change our circumstances: Buy the car. Get the house. Marry the mate. Get the job. Stack the bank account. Lose the weight. Leave the mate. Earn the degree. Start the business. Have the children. You know, arrive at that magical destination in life where everything is “perfect.”
What most of us end up finding at the end of that winding road is a never-ending list of things we are doing and getting, instead of being. And, I’m here to tell you the truth: Nothing will satisfy you and nothing is going to change your life that’s outside of yourself. Real change, begins within:
“As within so without, as above so below.”
The origin of this quote goes back to ancient times. Part of what it’s conveying is that our inner world--our thoughts--dictates our actions; and our actions, become behaviors and create what we see in the outer world and experience in our lives. So, if you want to live a transformed, changed life, it starts within you.
The Bible states it in this way:
All the things in the world aren’t the pattern designed for you. You are different. You have a story. You have a vision, a dream that no one else has. You already are. You just need to seek and find your how. And that’s when you’ll change, from the inside-out. I’m so passionate about storytelling as a tool to develop the wholistic well-being we all deserve because to live, as our complete, authentic selves starts in the mind with the narratives we tell ourselves; about our pasts, about our value, about our capabilities; and oftentimes, rewriting them.
If you think you’re limited, your life will be limited too. But, if you know you’re worthy, think about how much abundance you can co-create in your life, simply by believing you deserve it. Whatever your old patterns have been, I challenge you to release them.
No, it’s not likely to be easy, but change is possible. Aren’t you worth the work? It’s in the transformation that we become--who--we already are.